I said ” I won’t understand”
I climbed a top the balcony rail
I estimated 220 feet
After all I was about 22 stories up
Guess 1 year in building structures was enough to calculate death.
The street loomed below me but not disturbingly
Somehow more comforting than anything I had experienced in the last 9 months or so
My unpolished toes folded around the edge of the rail, one hand gripping the popcorn walls I so hated
I contemplated how long I was really suffering
I realized it had not been about 9 months or so as I had previously thought
Rather it was about to be 22 years, that’s 2 whole decades
I should be grateful, that’s what my mother would say but she wasn’t here now
No one was unsurprisingly, no one was there to coax me out of what I was about to do or not do
But I didn’t hate them, I was glad they weren’t there.
The morning air had a chill, my favourite frock twisted around my legs as though to remind me that the moment was now
Somehow I couldn’t stop thinking about the number 22, how it seemed to have some significance to this
So I decided that was my number to count to. I unfolded my toes, took my hand of that far too long hated wall, held my balance,
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21…..
~Lhuna